Tag Archives: parenting

Deuteronomy 9-11; Parenting Eternal Souls

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We all know parenting is a huge responsibility. The first time you held your newborn, weren’t you overcome with the fact that you were going to play an important role in shaping that little one into the adult he or she would become? Did you understand that you held an eternal soul in your arms?

Kids learn from us, even if our parenting is not intentional. They learn to laugh by watching what we think is funny. They learn how to handle anger, how to love, how to work and play, from watching us.

Kids learn from our example, but if that’s the extent of your parenting, you might as well be an alley cat teaching her young how to hunt. Our children need more than just an example.

In the chapters I read today in God’s Word, Moses is telling the Jews they need to obey God. They need to love and fear Him so God can bless them, and not destroy them. He talked about the Ten Commandments, and in 11:13-15 he shares what God told him about all that:

So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today– to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul– then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.

Once again we are reminded blessings follow obedience. And if we lived our lives like Moses describes, we’d be living a pretty good example for our kids to follow. But then, Moses said something more.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframe of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. (18-21)

Do your children understand why you laugh at certain things and not others? Do they know that they can be angry and not sin? Have you explained to them that love is more than a feeling? Have you talked to them about why you go to work every day, why you do your best on your job, why you ask for forgiveness when you are wrong, why you go to church, why you believe what you believe? Have you talked to them about what sin is?Your children are not kittens. They need to know these things. And they won’t know unless you talk to them about it.

God told the children of Israel to write His commandments on their doorframes and gates. Makes me wonder what we have hanging on our walls in our homes. Makes me wonder what TV shows our kids see us watch. Do we talk to our kids about those things?

What are your conversations like around your dinner table? (I hope you make it a point to gather around your dinner table) What do you talk about when you are together in the car? Have you sat on the swing in the back yard with your child, and enjoyed God’s creation together, talking about how it all began?

I think God is challenging us to make it a point to talk to those little ones in our lives about spiritual things at a very early age. Sure, it’s important to model morality, and work ethic, kindness, and respect. It’s important to live lives that demonstrate obedience to God. But it’s also important that our children understand the whats and whys of our choices before a Holy God. And it’s even more important that they understand their own choices and responsibilities before the same Holy God.

It’s eternally important.

 

Numbers 1-3; Family

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We celebrated my niece’s wedding this past weekend with a reception at the local arts’ center. It was so beautiful and so fun to honor the love of her and my newest nephew. To add to the occasion, our family from Texas traveled the thousand mile journey to join us. I got to see my Texas niece’s daughter for the first time, and hug on my sister’s new husband and his daughter. 35 of our immediate family gathered together for brunch on Saturday, then had an Easter Egg hunt for the eight little ones in our lives.

The five “Zehner girls” were all together for the first time in five years. We followed each other around like sappy puppies. No one wanted to miss a moment of our time together. And having almost all their children and grandchildren with us was nothing short of amazing.

Maybe that’s why this morning, as I read these first chapters in the book of Numbers, I was impressed with the fact that God told the Israelites to camp, and travel with their families. Yes, they were all God’s children. But they were divided into family groups, numbered as family groups, went to war as family groups.

I’m thankful for my family group. I won’t pretend that everything has always been as it was this past weekend. There has been hurt, and anger, and separation. There have been times when there was little or no communication with some of us. But as I sat together with my sisters, laughing and remembering the good times, as I watched our children enjoying each other, someone said, “Thank you, Bob and Ginny.” Our parents gave us quite a gift in our forever friends.

Some of you may be experiencing brokenness in your family group. I don’t know your situation. But I would encourage you to do what you can to fix it. Reach out to that one with whom you are estranged. Confess. Forgive. Encourage. Family units seem to be important to God.

If you are a parent I would suggest that you would raise your children to be friends. Model the behavior with your own siblings that you want to see in your kids. People don’t believe that a house full of five girls could exist without fights. But we didn’t get away with fighting. We weren’t allowed to be mean to each other,  and our parents never thought it was funny if one of us would strike another or take another’s toy.

I, being the oldest, was never given authority over my younger sisters. I can’t remember ever being “in charge” when our parents weren’t home. (Oh, I might have thought I was in charge, but I don’t think that position was ever really given to me). We weren’t all forced to fit into a single mold. I never heard, “Why aren’t you more like your sister?”

Parenting is hard. But how you raise your children will have a lot to do with the relationships you have with them when they are adults. I’m loving the adult relationships I have with my nieces and nephews, and their spouses. And I love that the second generation of Zehners are friends with each other, too.

 

Jesus’ friends were concerned for His family, His mother, brothers, and sisters. Jesus told them that we who do God’s will are his family. Yet, when He was on the cross, He looked at Mary, His mother, and told John to take care of her. There was still that family connection.

So I believe the Bible teaches that families are important. They can be those people who love you best, hold you accountable, encourage, and challenge you.

I’m praying for yours.

August 4 – Your Children’s Children

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2 Kings 20-21

Every time I read this account of the life of King Hezekiah, I get angry. Why God answered his prayers I don’t know. When God promised to heal the king in three days, Hezekiah asked for a sign. He couldn’t wait three days? Then, when God told Hezekiah that because he had sinned, Babylon would defeat the nation, steal everything Hezekiah had worked for, and capture Hezekiah’s sons, Hezekiah thought, “Is it not so, if there will be peace and truth in my days?”

Yes, Hezekiah your life will be just fine. It’s your children and your children’s children who will realize the consequences for your sin. Happy?

I know Hezekiah did a lot of good while he was king. I just happen to think he ended badly. And his son, Manasseh brought back idol worship when he became king. In fact, under Manasseh’s reign the Jews acted worse than the heathen nations around them.

Then when Hezekiah’s grandson Amon became king, he continued where Manasseh left off. Quite a downward spiral that began, I believe, with Hezekiah’s self-serving attitude.

Just wondering, parents, what is it your children are learning from you? Obedience? Worship? Self-sacrifice? Integrity? Compassion? Love of Scripture? The fear of God?

You may be doing alright in your personal walk with the Lord. But what about the dear ones who are following you? Are you preparing them to know God, to love and serve Him? Or are you satisfied knowing you’re ok, and let them fend for themselves?

I think you know how I’m praying.

June 20 – Parenting 101

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Ecclesiastes 7-12

Just reading over these chapters doesn’t do justice to the wisdom here. I find the book of Ecclesiastes to be one I need to read slowly, and take time to digest it all. I don’t have the time, or even the desire, to dissect every verse on this blog. But I would like to share one verse that God used to get my attention today.

Since yesterday was Father’s Day, I guess I am still thinking about parents and parenting. Here is God’s advice for parents, given through Solomon in 8:11:

Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed quickly, therefore the hearts of the sons of men among them are given fully to evil.

1) Don’t do that. 2) I told you not to do that. 3) How many times do I have to tell you to stop? 4) If you do that again, I’m going to spank you. 5) Do you want a spanking? 6) Did you hear me? 7) I’m tired of telling you to stop. 8) Stop!

Sound familiar? Your child willfully disobeys you. Not once, eight times in this example. And what you’ve taught your child is that they can break your rules eight times before they have to obey. Sometime your child learns they never have to obey because your threats are meaningless.

WHAT YOU ALLOW, YOU TEACH. Not only does the guilty child learn that lesson, so does everyone within hearing distance.

Look at the crime rate here in the US compared to countries that hand down swift and harsh punishment for breaking the law. What you allow, you teach.

Parents, it is your responsibility to raise children who are not “given fully to evil,”  as Solomon says. How you discipline your child for disobedience makes all the difference in the world.

And it’s a lesson your child just might take into eternity. It’s that important.

 

June 9 – WHACK!

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Proverbs 19-21

When I was in junior high (about a hundred years ago, I think) it was not uncommon to be sitting in the classroom and hear the door open just a crack. We could hear one door after another all the way down the hall open in the same way. We’d all sit up a little straighter, eyes wide open, and no one, not even the teacher most of the time, would speak.

Then we would hear that dreaded, WHACK. Sometimes we would even hear it again, WHACK! Often we’d hear a teacher scolding the guilty student in such a way there could be no mistake. A rule had been broken, and this is what happens when rules are broken.

Solomon says: When a scoffer is punished, the naive becomes wise… (21:11) You can bet more than one student learned an important lesson from those paddlings back in junior high. I know I did. I never wanted the student in the hall to be me! I became a rule-follower. It seemed the wise thing to do.

Those days are long gone because someone was more concerned about the guilty child’s ego. I find myself wanting to get up on my soapbox. Especially in light of the recent convicted rapist, Brock Turner’s light sentence, the unbelievable statement he read at sentencing, and his own father’s statement after the fact.

Let’s make it personal. Parents, do your children know the rules of your home? Are the rules enforced consistently? Are the consequences swift and painful? Hear me when I say if we don’t teach them this truth on a small scale, they won’t understand it on a larger scale. And they’ll grow up to think the consequences for breaking God’s rules are no big deal, either.

I shudder to think about the lesson other young people have learned from the judge’s decision in the Turner case. Because lessons have been learned. The doors of the classroom were opened, and instead of hearing the WHACK, they heard the teacher pat the guilty child on the back and send him on his way.

 

The way you discipline your children, the way our society disciplines law-breakers, is done in a classroom occupied by others. When the guilty are punished, the naive become wise. That’s what Solomon said through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

I pray that we are raising wise children instead of children who will remain naive. Just the other day we learned that naivety is a death sentence.

It’s that serious.

 

Feb 29 – Tough Questions From Five-Year-Olds

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I was talking to a couple of mothers of young children recently. The mother of a kindergartener said her son came home and asked, can boys marry boys? He told his mom, “Johnny’s dad wears dresses.”

The mother of a four-year-old said he asked her who he should marry. Could he marry his cousin?

When is it appropriate to talk to your kids about life in the twenty-first century? I pray for all the parents out there. Your child will grow up in a world where homosexual marriages are as common as divorce. (I say that because when I was growing up you rarely heard about people getting a divorce, especially among Christians. Today, you hear it all the time.)

I’m not going to tell you how to raise your children. But I would suggest you sit down today with your spouse and decide what you are going to say to your kids when they come to you with those hard questions. Get out your Bibles. Read what God has to say about the issues. Prepare in advance to hear those hard questions. Because they will come.

I would encourage you to not meet those questions with horror. And always, always make prayer a part of any of those conversations. You might even ask your five-year-old to pray that God will guard his heart, that God will give him the ability to know the truth according to Scripture and honor God with his own choices. Help your children to separate the sin from the sinner, so they can demonstrate God’s love to people who are different without accepting their choices.

Get ready, parents. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. But God is able to give you the words to encourage  your children, to answer them in a way that will honor God.

I’m praying for you. You’ve got an enormous responsibility there in your home.

I’m praying for your children. I’m praying that God will raise up children who will continue to live for Him, regardless of where the world is heading.

Dear God, I do pray for parents today. Our world is spinning out of control, and unless we anchor our kids, they will get caught up in its craziness. Give parents wisdom, clarity concerning your Word. Help them to raise loving children who aren’t swayed by popular opinion. Walk with us in an observable way today, and may Jesus be seen in us no matter our age.

 

Jan 30 – Raising Moses

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Exodus 1-3

Moses was raised by an Egyptian woman. So how did he come to believe in the God of Israel? His adoptive mother must have told Moses about his birth family. Did she also tell him about the God they worshiped? How else would Moses recognize God’s voice, and obey Him?

Moses was raised in a pagan society. Yet he rejected the false gods and followed the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The Bible isn’t clear about those years Moses spent in Pharaoh’s house. But I think we can conclude that somehow, he was introduced to the One True God while growing up there. I’d like to believe his Egyptian mom had been touched by the influence of his Jewish mom who tended to Moses until he was weaned. Maybe she was the one who taught Moses to honor God. Just a thought.

I can’t help but pray for parents and grandparents today. Our world is every bit as pagan as was that in Moses’ day. Do your children know the God of Creation? Can they recognize His voice amid all the other voices vying for their attention? Are you raising children who know the Truth according to Scripture plus nothing?

Dear God, May You raise up an army of people like Moses because their parents lived and taught them according to Your Holy Word. May our children reject the influences of a society that rejects You. May they recognize Your voice. And may You give our children courage to follow You only.

The Belt

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This post is a bit different from the ones you are used to seeing from me. It’s not based on any scripture I read today. It is, however, a lesson from God’s Word in action.

I went to the funeral yesterday of a man who lived his life according to the Bible. He was a godly, prayerful, joyful man who demonstrated God’s love in every aspect of his life.

His adult daughter wrote a letter to her dad and asked the pastor to read it at the service. It was a beautiful tribute to her father. In that letter, she shared an experience with her dad that changed her life.

She admitted that, as a teenager, she did things that concerned her parents. She went to places she should not have gone. And it was at one of those places that her father came to get her. He took her home, and sat with her in her bedroom. He said something like this:

“I’m at my wits end. I’ve tried to punish you, ground you, scold you, for the things you are doing. I see the road you’re traveling is heading to disaster and I don’t know what else I can do to stop you from going there. I love you, and you are breaking my heart. Right now what I need you to do is put yourself in my place. I want you to feel what I feel when I have to punish you for your choices.”

At this point, he took off his belt and handed it to her. “You deserve to be punished for disobeying me. So I want you to hit me with this belt. I want to take your punishment, so you know what it does to me every time I have to punish you.”

The daughter said she could not do it. She could not inflict pain on her dad for something she had done. And it was then she gave her life to the Lord.

This young woman saw Jesus in the face of her father.

You know, don’t you, that Jesus did much more for you than offering to be whipped with a belt. He suffered. He died a painful death on the cross. He was rejected by his own Father, so you wouldn’t have to be. Consider that for a minute.

I pray that you will thank Jesus for taking your punishment, by accepting Him as your Savior. I pray that you will think twice before you commit that sin that cost Him so much.

And, parents. I hope you’ll take something from this father’s example. I think it’s parenting at its finest.

I’m praying for you.

__________________

I am adding to this post a few days after I initially published it. I had lunch with this man’s widow yesterday and she shared the rest of the story which I think is really important.

What the daughter did not share in her letter was that on that night when she had this encounter with her dad, he ended up whipping her with his belt. He had offered to take the punishment for her, but just because she refused to allow him to, it didn’t mean the punishment didn’t have to be paid.

Friend, that is is something you need to understand. Your sins and mine WILL be paid for. There will be punishment for every sin we’ve ever committed. Jesus is offering to take that punishment. In fact, he already has. Now it’s up to you to allow him to cover your sins with his blood. Or you can refuse the offer and take the punishment yourself.

Someone is going to get the belt. It’s either going to be Jesus or you. Your choice.

Twelve

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I have a special place in my heart for twelve-year-olds. I spent 25 of my 37 years in public education in the middle school. I loved being a part of the chick struggling to get out of the shell, that awkward child/adult, learning how to fly on its own.

So when I read the passage in Luke 2 this morning about Jesus at the age of twelve, I felt drawn to this youngster. Fully human, he must have looked like any middle-schooler walking down the halls of my school, tripping over growing feet, with the energy of a child, wanting the sophistication of an adult. And like most twelve-year-olds, he assumed his parents knew what he was doing.

Let me be clear, Jesus did nothing wrong. There was no disobedience or blatant disregard of his parents wishes. Let’s face it. Parents leave their kids behind all the time, thinking the other parent has the child with him or her. Ask my sister and my brother-in-law. They left their infant son at church – twice – thinking the other had my nephew with them. Thank goodness they live only a couple miles from the church, unlike Mary and Joseph!

What I love about the pre-teen Jesus is his eagerness to talk about spiritual things, to read and discuss Scripture at such a young age. He was learning… and teaching. It’s the same relationship I had with so many twelve-year-olds over the years. Me helping them to learn at the same time they were teaching me. Yes, I love this boy Jesus.

I am reminded that our youth need to be grounded in Scripture, too. They need to be spending time in Bible believing churches where Jesus is proclaimed the only way to the Father. Jesus was not too young to have a heart eager to grow spiritually. Neither are our children.

I’m praying for twelve-year-olds today.

June 16

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I miss my Dad. It’s been nine months since he died so this is my first Father’s Day I don’t get to celebrate with him. Dad didn’t like getting gifts so we quit that years ago. But I always sent him a card. And he always opened it and pretended to look for money inside. And I always laughed.

Dads are so important to their children no matter how old their children are. Men, you have such an influence on those precious ones you have in your home – for better, or for worse.

Children need to see godly men.

Whether or not you have children of your own you can be that man in the lives of nieces and nephews, grandchildren, family friends, or neighbors. You can be that godly influence as a mailman, a mechanic, a doctor, a coach.

And if you are a godly father, a godly man I celebrate you today. The psalmist encourages you to trust God. He’s your help and your shield. God will bless those who fear him – small or great alike.

Then in Psalm 115:14&15 the psalmist pens what I pray for you today:

May The Lord make you increase,
both you and your children.
May you be blessed by The Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

Happy Father’s Day, men of God.