Tag Archives: friendships

Who Are Your Friends?

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2 Chronicles 24

What kinds of people do you surround yourself with? The old saying, “You are who your friends are,” is true.

Ben Franklin, in his Poor Richard’s Almanac wrote: “If you lie with dogs, you get up with fleas.”

Studies show that people who hang out together eventually adopt each other’s clothing styles, opinions, hand and facial gestures, and even voice intonation. I bet you’ve noticed some of that in siblings. Do you recognize it in your group of friends? It’s probably there.

When King Joash hung out with Jehoiada the priest, he did amazing things for the Lord. The people restored the Temple under Joash’s leadership, and true worship of God was once again filling those walls.

But it seems the minute Jehoiada died, Joash moved on. He surrounded himself with the “leaders of Judah” (vs 17) and reinstated idolatry. The nation would suffer God’s judgment for that.

We ought to follow Jesus’ example. He went to sinners, ate with them in their homes, touched them. But He didn’t park there. He surrounded Himself with believers, those who had left their old way of life to follow Him.

Jesus commands us to GO and make disciples. But Scripture also tells us to be separate from unbelievers, to not neglect the fellowship with believers. We are told to join together as children of God so that we are ready to venture out into the world to share Jesus with the lost.

But we aren’t to look or sound like the world, not to accept or copy their sin.

I believe if we spend more time surrounded by non-believers, we run into the danger of looking and thinking like them. It’s human nature.

So again, what kinds of people do you surround yourself with? If your closest friends aren’t born again Christians, if you aren’t spending quality time in church and in small groups studying God’s Word with friends who will hold you accountable, you need to do better. Choose friends better.

You can pet a flea infested dog, you can feed it, and not get fleas. But if you lie down with a flea infested dog, you’ll get up with those little buggers on you.

And there’s a price to pay for that.

October 21; Use It All

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Luke 14:25-17:19

The guy was losing his job. He knew he was in big trouble. He was too weak to do manual labor, and too proud to beg. So he came up with a plan to make himself look good to people who were in positions to help him.

Whenever I read this parable in Luke 14, I am struck by the boss’ reaction to what the man did. It cost the boss money. But he commended the man for his ingenuity. I guess it’s true that evil really does see good in evil.

Then Jesus said, “I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.” (verse 9)

I think I’ve shared that I have recently realized 99% of my relationships here on this island are with people from my church. I am blessed by them and treasure their friendships. It’s a blessing to serve God with them.

But God has been dealing with me about stepping out of my comfort zone and beginning to rub shoulders with people who don’t go to my church, may not go to any church.

Jesus said that if He can’t trust us with what we have, how can He trust us with more? Today I am wondering what kind of steward I am with the treasure that is mine through my Savior’s blood. Am I as creative in the way I serve my Master as the man in the parable was in serving his?

But I am also wondering what kind of impact I have on people who need Jesus, using the material blessing which are mine. Is my house open to my neighbors? I don’t even know most of their names. Is my car transportation for an unchurched friend? I can’t think of any unchurched person I consider my friend.

Jesus said we should use it all “so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.” I’m certainly not going to take any of my possessions with me. Why am I hoarding them?

If the world is so good at networking, at community, at charity, why aren’t I even better? What they offer is perishing. What I have is eternal. Jesus told us that where are hearts are, our treasures are.

I pray that I will be the kind of steward of God’s blessings who gives all I have. I want to step outside the walls of my church and make friends of people who need what I have. I want to use the material things that are mine to bless others for Jesus’ sake.

I want you to want that, too. I think God wants it of all of us.

 

June 4; Cutting Ties

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Provers 25-27

Solomon doesn’t have anything good to say about fools, lazy people, or troublemakers. In fact, he advises us to avoid them, not to get caught up in their drama, and certainly not to try to debate them into changing. In fact, sometimes old Solomon is pretty harsh when he talks about these folks.

But there is wisdom in what Solomon says. We can expend our energy, our resources, and our time on people who are toxic and who have no intention on changing. We end up enabling their poor attitudes and unhealthy lifestyles. Solomon warns us about the likelihood of their sin rubbing off on us.

That’s kind of contrary to the wisdom of the day. We’re told to be inclusive, tolerant, accepting, welcoming anyone and everyone into our lives, and in turn, our fellowships. Jesus, however, did say that if someone isn’t interested in hearing the Truth, walk away. Cut ties. Shake the dust off your feet and move on. Then, I believe He would tell us to pray for that person, and ask God to soften that hard heart and prepare that person to accept the Truth in the future.

What kind of people have you surrounded yourself with? Fools? Sluggards? Troublemakers? It might be time to be cutting some ties.

Jeremiah 35-41; Ishmael in Your Home

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God tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. (2 Corinthians 6:14) Many believe that to apply to marriage, which it does. But Paul wasn’t even talking about marriage when he said it. You get his full message when you read on:

What do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Can light and darkness exist together? Do Christ and Satan live in harmony? Do believers have anything in common with non-believers? Does the Church agree with idolatry? (from 2 Corinthians 6:14-16)

In fact, God says: Come out from among them and be separate… (verse 17)

I thought of that when I read that Governor Gedaliah got chummy with Ishmael. Even the governor’s advisors saw past Ishmael’s fake smile, and warned Gedaliah that Ishmael was up to no good. But Gedaliah said, “No way! We’re BFF’s! What you are saying about Ishmael is not true.” (Jeremiah 40:16)

Do you find yourself with the same attitude? “Hanging out with non-believers won’t hurt me.” “Marrying an unbeliever won’t effect my walk with the Lord.” “Accepting half-truths, or tolerating outright lies about Scripture won’t weaken my commitment, or the Church.”

Allowing himself to get close enough to Ishmael that he trusted him more than his own advisors, wound up killing Gedaliah. Getting too close to ungodliness will destroy us, too.

Come out from among them!

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get to know non-Christians in order to share the Savior with them. We are all told to go and make disciples. Paul said he became all things to all people in order to win some of them.

But I believe God would have us examine who are the people closest to us. Who do we trust, confide in, fellowship with? Are they grounded in Scripture, walking with the Lord, holding us accountable? Or are they people who don’t believe like we do, and don’t have an interest in our relationship with God?

Are we trying to get light and darkness existing together? Are we trying to make Jesus and Satan get along?

Gedaliah got close to someone who only wanted him dead. Do you realize Satan wants the same thing of you? Gedaliah died because he blindly trusted an enemy of God. Do you understand that anyone who does not believe in Jesus is God’s enemy, too?

Being yoked in marriage, socially, politically, at the job, or at the gym, with unbelievers is like inviting Ishmael into your home. It’s the same fatal mistake Gedaliah made.

Choose your friends wisely, dear one. It could be a matter of life and death.

Proverbs 17-20; Relationship Advice From Solomon

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Maybe it’s because I have a couple of challenging relationships in my life at the moment, but these proverbs spoke to me today about how we are to treat each other, who we are to be in relationships. I would challenge you to read these chapters and look for examples, even if there is no discord in your life right now. Because there will be before long. No one is immune.

17:14 jumped out at me first:

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

It just seems that, in our modern society, people look for reasons to be upset. Someone has stepped on my “rights” or hurt my feelings, so I’m going to do what’s best for me and make a big deal out of it, no matter who I hurt. Solomon seems to be advising against that.

Then I backed up and read verse 13:

If a man pays back evil for good, evil will never leave his house.

Never is a long time, my friend.

There are other verses that spoke to me, like 17:27:

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, a man of understanding is even-tempered.

Then Solomon goes on in the next verse to say:

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

‘Nuff said.

18:2 says:

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinion.

I don’t watch talk shows for this very reason. I don’t enjoy debating with people whose agenda it is to get their point across, without trying to understand another’s. But if I read verses like this and think of that opinionated person who is making my life difficult, I need to read it again. God’s not talking to me about SuzieQ down the street. God is speaking to me, about me. And I certainly don’t want to be the one who is guilty of being opinionated without understanding. I need to read all of these proverbs and remember that I’m not responsible for another’s behavior. I am responsible for mine, however.

These chapters have me asking myself, on what do I base relationships? And are those people closest to me encouraging me in my walk with the Lord?

Can people recognize the wisdom which comes from God in me? Or do they recognize me as a fool because of my tongue, my attitude, my dealings with all kinds of people?

I’d like to repeat my challenge to you today, and encourage you to read these proverbs in light of your relationships. Sometimes relationships are challenging because WE aren’t being the people WE need to be.

May God bless you as you seek wisdom, as you grow in knowledge, and as you apply these truths to your life. And may God be glorified in all our relationships.

I Chronicles 26-29; That’s What Friends Are For

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I was reading all the names of David’s chief officers, overseers, and counselors, and was struck that buried in the list of assignments was “the king’s friend.” (27:33) Hushai the Arkite’s position as friend is right up there with Joab, commander of the royal army.

Do you remember Hushai’s story? I went back and re-read 2 Samuel 15-16 and reminded myself that Hushai took on a dangerous assignment when he infiltrated Absalom’s inner circle in order to spy on the son of David, and thwart his attempt to steal the throne away from David. Hushai was that loyal to David. And David trusted Hushai that much.

I can see why David considered Hushai’s friendship an important position in his kingdom.

God has blessed me with some pretty good friendships, too. My forever friends are my sisters. So thankful for their love, and support through the years.

Other wonderful friends have blessed my life for a season, then for various reasons have moved on. I have dear friends in Ohio, and others here in Georgia.

I spent yesterday with four of my friends who live on this island and who worship with me at our church. We went to a quaint little town, browsed the shops, and had lunch. We solved the world’s problems, and laughed like silly school-girls all in one wonderful day. We call ourselves The Fabulous Five, or The Little Old Church Ladies depending on what kind of trouble we’re getting into together. I think yesterday was a fabulous day.

As I think about friendships I find myself considering what these, and other women have to offer me, how they have blessed me, encouraged me, held me accountable. But then God nudged me to consider what kind of friend I am to them.

Do I take more than give? Do I wait for them to call me? Do I go out of my way to stand with them when they need it? How much of myself do I share with them?

God created us to be relational. We are people who need people. (someone should write a song). What a privilege it is to be an extension of God’s love for a friend by loving that friend in a tangible way.

Thank You for friendships, God. I see so many examples in Your Word about the importance of friends. David and Jonathan, David and Hushai, Jesus and John, and Peter, and James, Lazarus, Mary and Martha. Continue to speak to me about my friendships, and help me to be the kind of friend that honors You, and blesses them.

I Samuel 19; It Takes Two To Tango

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Saul had one goal in life, and it totally consumed him. He wanted David dead more than anything. David, on the other hand, had nothing against Saul. If David had his way, the two would be friends.

Throughout their story we will see Saul do many means things to David. But we won’t see David return evil for evil.

I would say that during the 23 years I was a middle school counselor, the majority of my time was spent dealing with adolescent friendships. More than anything academic, relationships were far and away the number one thing on the minds of those children. Most of the time a child’s instinct was to strike back at someone who they felt wronged them.

“She started it.”

“He hit me first.”

“She said something about my mom.”

“He was talking about me.

And somehow, in their minds those things seemed to justify their own bad behavior. I would often quote Romans 12:21 to them:

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Most of the time they’d look at me like I had grown antlers or something.

Jesus tells us to love our enemies, to pray for those who are mean to us. (Matt 5:44) Easier said than done, because I don’t think revenge is a concept exclusive to adolescents.

Have you heard the phrase, “It takes two to tango”? It takes two of you to have a battle. If one of you refuse to fight back, it isn’t a fight.

Saul heard that David was in Naioth. So the king sent some of his men to go get David. But when Saul’s men got there, they walked into a church service instead of a battle. They joined the church service.

So Saul sent another band of thugs to capture David. And when these men observed David and the people praising God, they praised God, too

This must have been quite the church service because Saul sent a third group of men to do the deed. The third group of men? They dropped their weapons and raised their hands in worship, too.

“Ok. Enough of this,” Saul must have thought. “If you want something done right, you do it yourself.” So with every intention of taking care of David himself, he marched into Naioth, probably spitting nails.

Something happened to Saul, though, when he saw the Spirit of God moving among the people. At least for the time being, he forgot his mission of evil, and began prophesying too, by the Holy Spirit.

Saul had expected to go to battle with David. David refused to go to battle with Saul. And at least for the moment, good did overcome evil, and David’s life was spared.

Matthew Henry said David was delivered, not as he’d delivered his lambs by killing lions, but by turning lions into lambs.

I like that idea.

Do you want to get rid of an enemy? Start by being nice to him or her. You might even turn them into a friend.  It’s not impossible.

It’s Scriptural.

 

Not-So-Common Sense

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The Proverbs are rich in common sense (or not-so-common these days). Today I read in chapter 16 where it says a whisper can destroy a friendship.

Why is it some people think they have to tell everything they think they know? Why do some stretch the truth or pass on an opinion as fact? Why is it some people are intent on stirring things up, living in drama every day? And how many friendships, even marriages, could be saved if we would learn to control our tongues? (Read what James has to say on that subject in chapter three of his book).

You might whisper the latest gossip into the ear of your closest friend, but once you do you have no control over where it goes from there. And you have no control over the hurt caused by your little whisper. The damage is already done.

It’s like the internet, social media. A hard lesson many people have had to learn is that anything posted can NEVER be completely erased. That picture will always be in cyber space, accessible to anyone. That email sent in private is not so private there on the server.

A whisper, a text, a post can destroy your relationships, can destroy lives. Are you ok with that? Are you willing to be a part of that?

It should be common sense to know that spreading gossip is destructive. It should be common sense to know that the less said, the better on most subjects, especially if the subject is really none of your business or the business of the person you are telling. But God knew we don’t always use the sense we have, common or not.

So he inspired men to write down some common rules of living. Like what I read today in Proverbs. Like what James had to say.

Next time you are tempted to pass on that juicy bit of information… zip it. Show a little not-so-common sense.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for our tongues. That amazing muscle helps us speak, taste, swallow, chew. It’s a pretty handy invention you have there. But God, may we be reminded the power we have in the use of our tongues. May we control them, whether tempted to whisper that gossip in the ear of a friend, or use our fingers to type out the words before we hit “send”. May the words of our mouths and the meditation of hearts be acceptable to you, Lord. And may we use our words to build up, encourage one another rather than be any part of tearing somebody down.