Tag Archives: hard times

Hey! Don’t Take My Coat!

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I had a slow drain in the tub of a mobile home I lived in for a while.  No matter what I tried, it would clog up regularly. So I started a new routine. Every Saturday morning I’d pour baking soda into that drain, then dump a cup of vinegar on it and watch it go to work. It fizzed, and popped, and bubbled while the chemicals reacted to one another. Then, I would pour some boiling water into the drain and listen for it to flow freely.

Solomon tells us, in Proverbs 25:20 that singing a happy song to someone who is sad is like pouring vinegar over baking soda. The reaction is anything but soothing. Telling someone to “cheer up” or to “get over it” doesn’t help a person who is mourning or depressed. In fact, it can cause more grief. It would be like doing your happy dance at a funeral.

Sometimes people need to be sad. And if I am overtly expressing my happiness without considering their feelings, I’m just being mean. Solomon says it’s like taking the coat away from someone standing in the middle of a snowstorm.

As a middle school counselor I learned that sometimes I needed to allow the person sitting in front of me to feel the feelings. Sadness. Anger. Confusion. I had to admit that I didn’t have all the answers, that any tidbit of advice I might throw out there could make matters worse. I learned to ask, even of eleven-year-olds, what it is they thought they needed. Did they want to talk about it? Or did they just want to sit next to me and cry? There would, undoubtedly, come a time when I would direct that person to finding solutions. But sometimes that didn’t happen for quite some time. They needed to feel the feelings first.

Life is hard. Everyone goes through difficult times. Grief is personal. Depression can be a disease. You wouldn’t tell someone to just “get over” cancer, would you?

God is telling me today to choose my words, my attitude toward the people in my life who are facing hardships. Sometimes well intended words are just mean, like exposing someone to freezing weather, or pouring vinegar over baking soda. I want to be sensitive to what it is they are going through at the moment, set myself aside, and allow them to grieve, or rant, or question.

Lord, forgive me when I’m so taken with good things in my life that I walk over someone who is hurting. I don’t do it intentionally. I don’t want to make anyone feel worse than they already feel. Help me to notice the hurt in someone’s eyes or in the sound of their voice. Give me the words to say that will soothe and encourage. Or help me to keep my mouth shut and just be present. More than anything, Lord, I pray that they will be drawn to you as a result of my caring about their feelings.

Forgive

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Jesus told us we should forgive as we have been forgiven. Yet Peter asked him how many times was he required to forgive someone who wronged him. Seven?

I mean, seven sound generous if that person continues to do things that hurt you. Jesus answered: No. Not seven. Seventy times seven. (Matt 18)

In other words, there should be no limit. Forgive as God forgives. I, for one, am thankful God didn’t reach his limit after the first seven times I did something that required his forgiveness.

Having an unforgiving heart, holding a grudge, wanting revenge, are feelings that destroy. I used to tell my students I’m too lazy to carry a grudge because it takes too much effort. And the longer you carry it, the heavier it gets.

To carry a grudge you have to feed it. You’ve got to think about that person who wronged you. You’ve got to keep replaying the memory of what they did. You find yourself talking about them. Or you purposefully ignore them. You plan your actions against them or spend time dreaming about a building falling on them.

The thing about unforgiveness is, it needs fed to stay alive. But the more you feed it, the bigger and angrier it becomes, and the harder it is to carry. Jesus knew that, and wants better for all of us.

Now don’t misunderstand. Forgiveness isn’t the same as permission. If you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, you need to take action. Get to safety. Report the abuse. Find other friends. Apply for another job.  Don’t just stand there and allow the abuse to continue.

Then after you have walked away, forgive. But, you say, he assaulted my child, she stole my husband, he abuses me verbally, she talks about me behind my back. He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.

Forgive.

You tell me I don’t understand, that it’s easy for me to say because I haven’t experienced what you’ve experienced. But, my friend. I’m not the one telling you to forgive. Jesus is.

Forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t the same as permission. And it’s not the same as allowing the evil to continue. What it is is a turning over to God that which hurts you. It’s trusting him to work things out for your good and his glory.

If you don’t forgive, you allow that person who hurt you to continue to hurt you. You do that. You give them control over you.

Forgive.

But, you say, she’s never asked me to forgive her.

Forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t only about the person who wronged you. It’s about you. It’s about your happiness, your health, your well-being. I personally think many emotional problems people face today have an element of unforgivness in them.

God wants us to walk with him in joy. He wants a clear path between us and him. Don’t let the actions of anyone keep you from that sweet fellowship.

Forgive.

God forgave you. Pass it on.

Hard Hearts and a New Year

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The Bible tells us some hearts have become so hard against God that they will never come to him. (Read Revelation 15&16 for example). Prosperity, health, times of peace don’t draw them to the Savior. Poverty, sickness, and times of war don’t either. Some people are so tightly in Satan’s grasp they don’t even recognize the countless ways God is trying to get their attention.

In John’s vision, people watched the destruction of the Great City, Babylon. (chapter 18) Once the rich and powerful center of everything, the city received God’s wrath in a day. The neighboring towns and the merchants watched the destruction and said: That’s too bad. I feel sorry for that city. Now who will buy my wares? (from 18:11)

That got me to thinking. The world thinks they know what love, success, happiness, and contentment are. Satan has manufactured a pretty good imitation of God’s blessings. But in the end, those things which produce a false security, won’t hold. In the end, those people will be like the merchants, alone and ruined, and crying: What about me?

Life is not just the days we walk on planet Earth. It is forever. You will always exist.

One day, those who have humbled themselves and accepted God’s grace, the forgiveness of sin through the sacrifice of Jesus, will stand together and enjoy the best party ever thrown. The rest will find themselves alone, in darkness, crying in a loud voice: What about me?

2014 is almost behind us. It’s that time of year when many people reevaluate their lives, when they look back and think, What if?, and when they look ahead to a new year, a new start, a clean slate. I pray that as you do, you will consider your heart’s condition. God is trying to get your attention. Do you recognize it? Do you respond? Are you sensitive to his voice, or is your heart so hardened by sin  that you don’t even hear it?

Some good things will happen to you in 2015. And so will some bad things. In all that happens, look for what God is saying to you. Trust him. He won’t let you down.

Heavenly Father, some who read this blog are burdened by the events of 2014. Some have lost loved ones, some have faced physical challenges, some are lonely and afraid, some are confused and disheartened. I pray that all of us would check our heart’s condition. May we begin this new year humbled before you, repenting of our sin, accepting your grace, and determined to have hearts that are sensitive to what you have for us in 2015. Go with us God, as you have promised. May you find us faithfully obeying you, loving you, and spending time reading and learning from your written Word.   May our hearts be softened so you can mold us into the people you would have us be. Bless your people, Lord, and make us a blessing to others. 

Stormy Seas

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I’ve never been in a storm at sea. I don’t even want to imagine the fear of being that exposed to danger out there surrounded by water miles deep. I’ve never been in a tropical storm or lived through a tornado. In fact, there have been only a few times I’ve even come close.

But as I read about the terror the passengers and crew experienced in the ship carrying Paul to Rome, I can relate. (Acts 27) Not because I’ve been there, but because I know to an extent, what it’s like to face storms of life.

Getting laid off from my job, Mom’s cancer, financial struggles, my sister’s cancer, my nephew Geoff’s death, Dad’s death. I can’t hold my storms up next to anyone else’s and say mine were harder or that mine were less significant. I only know there have been times that I felt hopeless and lost, when I found it hard to breathe, when fear of the future (or present) caused me sleepless nights.

The account of Paul’s storm at sea reminds me that, no matter how bad the circumstances, no matter how hopeless the future appears, when I am tossed about and can’t find the sun, God is standing next to me.

My only hope is to stay in the boat, holding on to my Savior, riding out the storm together. In this account in the book of Acts, God didn’t calm the storm. But the people on board made it safely to shore. This tells me that my circumstances might not change. The cancer diagnosis might not be a mistake. A broken relationship might not heal. Whatever the cause of my anxiety, depression, fear, might not magically disappear.

But God can see me safely to the other side. I can trust him. And I will.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for your Presence. You are stronger than any storm I have to face. And I find comfort in knowing that… knowing You. I pray for those reading this today who are being bounced around in a frightening storm. I pray your strength, your comfort, your direction will be evident in the midst. I pray they will hold on, that they will trust you to see them through. Thank you in advance for what you are going to do in the lives of those of us who are facing stormy seas.

Why Evil?

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Last Sunday, the pastor posed a question in Sunday School: Why is there evil and has it always existed?

I guess to truly understand all the details of the answer to that question, you would have to have the mind of God. Our understanding is limited to what he inspired men to write in Scripture.

Like I Corinthians 15:56. Paul tells us the law gives sin its power. We wouldn’t know what sin was if God hadn’t spelled it out in the law.

We wouldn’t know what light was if it wasn’t for the darkness.

And we wouldn’t know what good was except for evil.

If there was no law, sin would have no power because sin, by definition, is the breaking of the law. But if there was no law, no sin, we wouldn’t know forgiveness, would we? There would be no choice. We would be puppets, robots.

It was important to God that his creation choose him.

Why?

I don’t know, except to say the love someone chooses to demonstrate toward me is precious, personal, more meaningful than if that someone feels obligated or forced. Being made in God’s image, I can only imagine he feels the same.

Dearest Heavenly Father, you are good. You are holy. And I thank you that you have made it possible to choose you. It’s hard to thank you for sin. It’s hard to thank you for sickness, wars, evil. But if it weren’t for those things, I wouldn’t understand what it is that you offer through your Son, Jesus. I wouldn’t appreciate grace. So, Father, I want you to know that I choose you today. I love you because I can. I resist temptation because I can. I deny Satan because I can. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thank you!

The Show Must Go On

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I remember, when Mom was dying of cancer, I would drive to work with a heavy heart. Most mornings I would cry as I talked to God about Mom. But when I got to the stop light a mile from school, I would dry my tears and take a few deep breaths. And before walking into the office, I’d put my hand on the doorknob, breathe again, put a smile on my face, and pray, “God, let’s do this. I need you to go in there with me today.” I didn’t want to be there. I wanted time with Mom. I wanted to be alone in my grief. But I was a middle school counselor, and I had a job to do.

It was hard. And listening to the familiar complaints of 11-year-olds tested my patience like never before. Suzie took my pencil. Billy made fun of me. Nobody likes me. The teacher yelled at me. Even the: Mom grounded me or worse, didn’t separate me from my own pain.

But I loved my job, loved those children, and it wasn’t their fault my mother was dying.

I realized today Jesus knows exactly how I felt. His cousin, John, was murdered. His heart must have hurt like mine did. And he needed to be alone. He needed time to grieve. So he went off to a remote place to be by himself.

But the crowds followed him. They had needs only Jesus could meet. So Jesus put a smile on his face, and preached, and healed their sick.

Did you know the feeding of the 5,000 from five loaves and 2 fish happened in the midst of Jesus’ grief? (Matthew 14, Mark 6, Luke 9) He had compassion on those needy, demanding, insensitive people, even when his own heart was broken.

I know some of you are going through hardships of your own. Sickness, finances, relationships can cause us to live with the burden of grief on our shoulders. Yet that doesn’t stop the “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy”, or “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” demands from your children, or the deadlines your boss gives you at work, or the electric from being turned off for lack of payment. Life goes on even when we want it to just stop for one minute.

Jesus knows what that feels like. Jesus shows us by example that sometimes the show must go on. Sometimes we have to choose to let God pick us up and help us meet our responsibilities even if we don’t feel like it.

But here’s something else Jesus teaches by example. He made time to get alone and pray. (Matthew 14:23) He didn’t go off to “find himself”. He spent time talking to God.

That’s where our society might be wrong. It says we’ve got to be happy before we can make someone else happy. Put yourself first and things will get better.

But doesn’t Jesus teach us something different? Didn’t he take “self” out of the picture? Didn’t he place God first, others second, and himself after that? I’m thinking if it worked for him, it probably will work for us, too.

Pray, dear one. Pour yourself out before God, give him yourself and your circumstances. Ask him to empower you to be who he wants you to be in the midst of your pain. Bathe yourself in prayer, then trust God to be exactly what you need him to be. Yes, the show must go on. But you don’t have to go on solo. If you know Jesus as your Savior, you have someone who has been there, to guide you, to strengthen you, and to love you like no one else can.

If we take the world’s advise and concentrate on ourselves, we are concentrating on the wrong person. Concentrate on God. Notice the opportunities he gives you to minister to someone else. Take him up on his offer to never leave or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5-8)

Is that a recipe for a trouble-free life? What do you think?

It is, however, a recipe proven by Jesus himself, to be exactly what we need to face the worse life hands us. And to be victors. And to let others see Jesus in us.

God, I pray for grieving people today. Some have burdens that are breaking them. Father, I pray they will come to you and lay that burden down. Give them strength. Give them purpose. Help them to look to you instead of looking within themselves. And may they find peace from allowing you to be exactly what they need to get through today. May they feel your love right this minute. And may Jesus be seen in and through them as they walk through this storm.

The Great Physician

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I am thankful for doctors. When my sister had cancer, I was and am thankful for the doctor who caught it, the surgeon who removed it, the plastic surgeon who did the reconstruction, and the care she’s received since then. They are worth every penny! Even though they did not heal her.

I remember the morning of her surgery, I was standing in front of the mirror drying my hair when a thought came to me I can only attribute to God: Peggy has cancer. But today we’ll be able to say, Peggy HAD cancer.

And that’s exactly what happened.

I won’t go into detail about all the miracles we witnessed that day but I will tell you the surgeon was able to remove all of the cancer, and see that her lymph nodes were clear. Eight years later, my sister is still cancer-free. And we know who healed her.

Like the woman we read about in Mark 5, Matthew 9, and Luke 8 who knew that if she just touched the hem of Jesus’ robe she’d be healed. She did. And she was.

I don’t know why God healed Peggy of cancer, yet Mom died of the same disease. No one had more faith in her Savior than my mom. So “faith” is not the magic button we push when we want healing.

This New Testament story isn’t about healing. It’s not even about faith. It’s about Jesus. The woman healed of her ailment still died. Peggy will still die. But God revealed himself through both of those women, just like he revealed himself when he took Mom home.

I am reminded that everything that happens in this life happens because God is intent on saving souls. Some are saved through good times, some are saved through hardships. Some need to witness a miracle in order to believe in the Son of God.

So I will continue to go to the Great Physician for physical healing for myself and my loved ones. I will go to my doctor for regular checkups and do what he prescribes. But I will also say with Paul, “… for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” (Read Philippians 4:10-13)

And may people see Jesus in me.

Priorities

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The men brought their paralyzed friend to Jesus because they had faith Jesus could heal him. When the crowd was so large they couldn’t get inside to where Jesus was, they cut a hole in the ceiling and lowered their friend right in front of Jesus. (Matt 9, Mark 2, Luke 5)

What did Jesus do? He forgave the crippled man’s sins. In this act, we see where Jesus places his priorities.

It reminded me of the prayer boards in many Sunday School rooms, and prayer lines active in many churches. They are full of requests for God’s intervention for every ailment known to man:

Pray for Susie’s sinus problems. Bill’s cancer, Clyde’s cough, June’s surgery, Donna’s new job.

God wants us to bring our requests to him and I am not criticizing anyone for praying for another. It’s our responsibility and our privilege to bring our requests to the Lord. But if our priorities were the same as Jesus, wouldn’t our prayer boards be at least equally filled with requests for the salvation of souls:

Pray for Sandy as she has lunch with her cousin on Tuesday, pray for the cousin that her heart would be open and she would be willing to listen. For Chuck as he goes fishing with his coworker. For Laura as she witnesses to her husband.

Oh, Jesus healed the crippled man. And he still answers our prayers for physical needs. But physical healing is still a temporary fix. A repentant heart is a healing that is eternal.

Let’s pray. Pray for the health and physical healing of our loved ones. Jesus reveals himself through those answered prayers. But let’s not neglect the more important thing: the salvation of souls.

Father, I pray for those in my life who are facing physical challenges, emotional problems, relationship difficulties. Reveal yourself in their healing and may Jesus be praised. But I would pray for those who don’t know you. I pray for broken hearts when faced with the reality of sin, I pray for the softening of hardened hearts, for ears that will listen. May your Holy Spirit have free reign in the hearts of…. and …. today and may they come to the Savior to receive the healing that will last eternally. Show me what role I can play in their salvation, and may you find me faithful for Jesus’ sake.

Jesus Gets Me

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The birth of Jesus is undoubtedly the second most important event in history, the first being his death on the cross. (Read about his birth in Matthew 1 and Luke 2).

Jesus. God in the flesh. He chose to come into this world as a human, from the fertilized egg inside his mother, to the screaming little baby boy emerging from her body at birth. Did God choose this route to becoming human so he would know how it feels, so that he could experience things to better understand us?

Not a bit. He chose this so that we would believe he gets us. We can go to him and tell him about our financial woes, knowing he gets what it is to grow up poor. We can be assured he knows what physical pain is, what rejection is, what anger and temptation are. He gets me like no one ever could.

The truth is, he could always understand us humans from Adam on. The difference is, after Jesus, we can identify with him.

All of creation, everything about life is about God, created by him and for his pleasure. This one act, Jesus in the flesh, is about us. God loves us that much. And him becoming one of us proves that.

Dearest Jesus, thank you for becoming human and living this life here on earth for 33 years. Thank you for the times you faced the same temptations I face, for the fatigue your body felt, the pain you endured at the hands of those who killed you. Thank you for the times you laughed and cried, for the friendships you developed and for the pain their betrayal caused you.  Thank you for loving me so much you wanted to assure me that you do get me. And ultimately, thank you for dying for me, for offering forgiveness for my sin, and for wanting to be in my life today and forever. I love you.

 

Nothing Is Impossible For God

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Nothing is impossible for God. (Mark 1:37) To me, that’s a given. He’s God. He can cause a virgin to be pregnant, and her older cousin to have a baby. He can heal diseases, and soften the hardest heart. He can move mountains if he wants, or dry up the Red Sea.

I know some people claim this verse as a promise. I don’t see it like that. If you read this verse in the context it was written, I don’t think you’ll see it as a promise, either. I just don’t see that God promises to give us what we want if we conjure up the right kind of faith, or “claim” a verse.

The fact that God “can” doesn’t mean that he will. The question isn’t, “what’s in it for me?”, but rather, is what I want able to be used to draw someone to the Savior.

My dad fully believed God was going to heal my mom of her cancer, right up to the second she took her last breath. Her death shocked him.

Could God have healed her? Of course. Nothing is impossible for God. But God, being God, took her to be where he is.

Dad thought Mom’s healing would be an amazing testimony of God’s greatness. Think of the people who would be touched by that miracle! Instead, God chose to reveal himself through the mourning of her family, and our steadfast trust in our Savior in all circumstances.

It would have been easy to praise God for healing Mom. But God did the impossible. He gave us the desire to praise him in our loss.

Yes. Nothing is impossible for God.