Tag Archives: rape

Sex=Love? Not even close!

Oh that young people would learn from the account in 2 Samuel 13, the lives of Amnon and Tamar. 

Lesson 1: Lust and obsession are not love. Amnon’s feelings for his sister had nothing to do with her. He didn’t long to make her happy, he only wanted to satisfy his own desires. I Corinthians 13 says, “Love is not self-seeking”. What Amnon felt was not love.

Lesson 2: Sex is not “making love”. Sex may be a beautiful expression between a married man and woman who already love each other. But having sex does not make someone love someone else. I wish that message would be heard today.

Lesson 3: Sex changes everything. After Amnon stole Tamar’s virginity he looked at her and hated her. He had used her and threw her away. “Love is kind.” Amnon was anything but kind.

I hope you read I Corinthians 13, Paul’s description of love. You won’t see Amnon there. And you won’t see any adolescent I have ever met. And I spent 37 years in public education, 20 of them as a middle school counselor.

Our young people are having what they describe as casual sex. They are performing sexual acts on one another and trying to convince themselves that what they’re doing is not sex. They believe the lie that sex is no big deal. But they are wrong.

Innocence lost way too soon, way before their underdeveloped minds and emotions are able to deal with it.

Having sex changes a person. God didn’t forbid sex outside of marriage out of spite. God invented fun! He wants us to experience fun. But the aftermath of premarital sex is not fun. God demands we save sex after that public commitment we know as a wedding ceremony for a reason. God wants to protect us from emotional pain, guilt, physical diseases, loss.

What Amnon did ruined his life, it ruined Tamar’s life, and it ruined his family. That, my friend is not love.

Dear young person, don’t listen to Satan’s lies. Don’t get caught up in the popular notion that sex is no big deal. It is a very big deal. And God blesses sex after marriage. Not before. Not in any shape or form. If you think you are different, that you can handle it, you are proving that you are too immature to have sex.

If you have already given your virginity away to someone and you’re not married to that person, stop. Talk to someone… a parent, a pastor, a Christian adult friend, about what it means to live a pure life from today on. And if you are still a virgin, hold on to it. You can only give it away once. And it’s a precious gift you will want to give to your husband or wife when the time comes.


Trust God. He really does know what he’s talking about.