Tag Archives: parenting

Honoring Parents

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1 Timothy 5:2-8

Many families in our society are so disconnected. It seems a lot of young people move away from their hometowns as soon as they are able, to follow a job, or look for a better life somewhere else, or because they marry someone from another place. There are some good and honest reasons to relocate. And, unlike my generation, younger generations seem to be able to pick up and move many times during their lives.

Two of my sisters stayed in our hometown and raised their families close to our parents. I think they and their children would agree that proximity was a blessing. Two of their children have also stayed in our hometown and are raising their children close to their parents, my sisters and their husbands. Grandmas and Grandpas who love to babysit, who go to soccer games and school programs and buy every fund raising candy bar the kids are selling. But the majority of our family is scattered throughout the country.

There’s nothing wrong with moving away. There’s nowhere in the Bible that says, “Thou shalt live next door to Mom and Dad.” But we have to admit that living away from our parents makes caring for them more difficult. We are not off the hook, however, just because of the miles between us.

Caring for parents from a distance often looks like finding a nursing home or hiring a sitter to take care of them. To some people, it seems caring for their parents looks like an occasional phone call. Others actually think this command to honor our parents doesn’t apply to them because their parents weren’t perfect, so they cut them off, repaying evil for evil.

The Apostle Paul tells us if we aren’t caring for our parents we are worse than unbelievers. Yes, he is specifically talking about caring for widows. But come on. It’s not a stretch to say what he is proposing is in line with the commandment God gave Moses.

The fifth Commandment doesn’t say honor only Christian parents, or honor only parents who didn’t mess you up, or honor parents who you think deserve your care. It says honor your parents.

What does that look like? You honor your parents when you take care of their physical and emotional needs, when you show them the respect they deserve as your parents. Maybe it means you become a better son or daughter than they were as a parent.

Next week is Thanksgiving, a time when the pressure of family is felt most deeply in our country. I hope you are looking forward to family time, helping Mom with the food and cleanup, or going out of your way to get Dad to the table. This time of year makes the loneliness of separation heavier than usual. Take care of your parents.

That’s what is pleasing to God. Plus, it’s not an option if you are a Christian.

Faithfulness

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John 17

As I look at the Fruit of the Spirit these past few days I realize Satan is doing a pretty good job of making people believe these qualities are old-school, maybe even laughable. He’s convinced many that love is acceptance; joy can be gained at the expense of others; peace comes only if you agree with their delusion; patience is a one-way street; kindness is weakness; goodness is relative; and faithfulness is unnecessary.

I’m looking especially at faithfulness today, and I got to thinking that it might be a lost art. People aren’t faithful to marriage vows as evidenced by the fact more than half of all marriages today end in divorce – even among Christians. And even some Christians have had multiple marriages like the Samaritan woman at the well.

People aren’t faithful to their children when they adopt a hands-off, gentle parenting mode and expect their kids to raise themselves. Unfaithfulness is seen when parents are absent from the home, when they are too busy to support their children at games or concerts, or when they do attend, their eyes are on their phones.

Being faithful in the workplace? People change jobs like they are playing hop-scotch. The grass looks greener over there, so I’m out!

People aren’t even faithful to a church. Someone hurt my feelings, so I’m going to find another church (until someone hurts my feelings…)

Even being faithful to the Word of God is seen as a negative. Satan suggests we can tout the verses we like, either tweak or ignore the ones that make us uncomfortable, or claim God has a new revelation because the Bible is out-dated for our advanced society.

And yet, Jesus is our example of faithfulness. He was faithful to the Father, to the Father’s will, the Father’s message, the Father’s plan up to and including a very painful and humiliating death on the cross.

Jesus was faithful to His friends. He spoke truth to them, He protected them and provided for their needs. He never let them down, never threw them under the bus.

Jesus was faithful to the Words of God. He never altered the message to please different audiences. He spoke the same truth to lepers, tax-collectors, farmers, as well as religious leaders and even kings. He was always faithful to God’s Words.

The same faithfulness in us is an indication of Jesus’ Holy Spirit in our lives. Yes, that means being faithful to your spouse, faithful to train your children in the way they should go, faithful to those in authority over you, faithful to your Bible believing church, faithful to go and make disciples by standing on the truth found in the Bible. Faithful to God’s will, God’s message, God’s plan, and faithfully obedient to His commands.

The world might look at your faithfulness as archaic, but they will also see someone with integrity, someone who is different, better than they. They will see Jesus.

That’s what Jesus prayed right before He went to the cross. May God continue to answer that prayer in my life and yours.

One God

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Acts 12

Herod was killed on the spot. He got up in front of the people and declared himself a god, and promptly found out he was not. God struck him down and he died right then and there.

In today’s society we are encouraged to proclaim that we are gods. “I am capable, worthy, powerful, beautiful, strong, good. I am who I am!” There are even preachers and authors out there making millions of dollars telling us how we can be everything we were meant to be, because we deserve it. It’s unfortunate that God doesn’t take them out like He did Herod. Their punishment won’t be any less final, however. And it will be eternal.

But be warned, dear one. Those of us who believe the lie will be held accountable, too.

DO NOT encourage your children to be strong. Encourage them to be submissive to the One who is strong.

DO NOT teach your children they are powerful. Teach them to trust the One who is all powerful.

DO NOT tell them they are beautiful. Tell them how to be a window so people can see the beauty of God.

Understand that God will not share His godhood. Not with you. Not with the children in your home.

There is one God.

You Can’t Make Him Drink

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2 Chronicles 34; 2 Kings 23

There was a rocking Passover; thousands of sacrifices over a seven day period. A Passover like this hadn’t been celebrated since the days of Samuel. Josiah was all in where God was concerned, and as king of Judah he wanted God’s people to be all in, too.

That’s how it often is when someone comes face to face with God, and accepts God’s saving grace. We feel the emotion and want everyone we love to experience what we have. We should want that.

But Scripture tells us Josiah, in his zeal for the Lord, seems to have thought he could make people want what he had found in God.

And Josiah took away all the abomination from the territory that belonged to the people of Israel and made all who were present in Israel serve the Lord their God. All his days they did not turn away from following the Lord, the God of their fathers. (2 Chronicles 34:33)

The writer of 2 Kings says in verse three, the people joined in the covenant Josiah made to the Lord. But I wonder; was it their covenant with God or were they just honoring Josiah’s covenant with Him? I think it’s the latter because the minute Josiah was dead, they were right back worshiping their old idols.

Here’s the thing, Christian parents: you can make your kids go to church with you, you can have them repeat a prayer of confession, arrange for them to be baptized, even send them to Christian schools. But unless they internalize it and meet Jesus at the cross themselves they are simply honoring your faith. The moment they are on their own, they will do what’s in their own hearts.

You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

I hope you do make your kids attend church with you. I hope you send them to good Christian schools. I hope you pray with them and take them to youth group activities.

But I also hope you are talking to them about what and why you believe Jesus is the Way, Truth, and Life. I hope you talk to them about sin and their need of a Savior. I hope you share your own walk with the Lord, including your struggles and victories as they are mature enough to understand. I hope one day you will have the privilege of being present as they choose Jesus for themselves.

But whether or not they choose Jesus is a decision you can’t make for them. You can’t make them be a Christian. You can’t make them drink the water. You can, however, keep bringing them to the water until they recognize their thirst and want to drink it for themselves!

I’m praying for you today.

Be The Parent

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2 Samuel 13-14

David gave Absalom “time out.” isn’t that what we call the discipline parents give their children these days? A kid does something wrong so Mom and Dad tell her to get in the corner. If the child is three, time out is three minutes. Four minutes for a four-year-old. And, for most parents, that’s the extent of any discipline in their home.

So David gave Absalom time out, and it appears that was the extent of any discipline in that home, too. The problem is, Absalom was an adult and the wrong thing he did was murder.

Yes, Amnon had raped Absalom’s sister. Absalom had planned revenge for years, waiting for the right moment to end Amnon.

Amnon had deserved to be punished for violating Tamar, but not even David the King bothered with any form of discipline. Even though Amnon was his own son, and Tamar was his daughter.

Come on, Dad. Be the parent!

David’s refusal to discipline Amnon lead to his death and to David’s conflict with Absalom.

Come on, parents! You need only to turn on your TV to see the result of an undisciplined generation. These young people are products of the parenting phylosophy of :

Don’t let your children see you angry.
Don’t spank.
Don’t make your child feel guilty or bad about themselves.
Talk your child out of his bad behavior.
Redirect.
Give them time out.

If you have young children in your home you have got to get a grip. You have got to be the adult. You have got to teach your children what is expected of them, not expect them to figure it out. You have got to understand and help your child understand he has NO RIGHTS he hasn’t earned.

You’ve got to teach your children that their disobedience DOES anger you, that there is swift and sometimes painful consequences for disobedience, that insolence and manipulation will not be tolerated by you, and that you love them enough to teach them the hard lessons.

I have said it before, and I’ll continue to say that if you don’t teach your children the difference between right and wrong, that there are serious consequences for disobedience, that disobedience angers and disappoints you, and that if they confess and repent you’ll forgive them…

you aren’t preparing them to see their need of a Savior or accept the forgiveness Jesus offers sinners who confess and repent of sin.

David’s refusal to parent caused awful things to happen. It lead to death.

Your refusal to parent can and will do the same. And the death your child will experience might be eternal.

Be the parent.

Should I Spank My Kid?

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Proverbs 29

Solomon offers wisdom to parents. But it seems the so called wisdom of our present society drowns out the old king’s advice. What do you think?

Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad. (vs 17)

I think most parents would say they discipline their children. But many are careful not to show anger at a child’s disobedience. They are told by “experts” to calmly explain to their children as young as two years old what they expect and why that child’s behavior was wrong. They may give a time out for a few minutes. But that’s as far as their discipline goes.

Words alone will not discipline a servant; the words may be understood, but they are not heeded. (vs 19)

If Solomon knew that about adults, why would we think our children understand our words any better? They don’t!

A servant pampered from childhood will become a rebel. (vs 21)

Give your kid whatever he wants, do whatever your kid demands, and believe you are raising a hard working, kind, and caring human. You aren’t.

To flatter friends is to lay a trap for their feet. (vs5)

Tell your daughters how beautiful and powerful they are. Tell your sons how strong and smart they are. These days we call that empowerment, instilling confidence and self-worth. Solomon calls it a trap at the feet of our children.

To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child. (vs 15)

Mom, Dad, let your child throw a tantrum at the store, run amok at your neighbor’s house, speak disrespectfully to you or another adult. People might label your child as a brat, and not want their kids around her. But they will label you a bad parent, or a fool. Your child’s unruly behavior is your disgrace.

Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. (13:24)

Those are strong words. And I know what some of you are thinking. You think that just leads to abuse. Friend, God would not have it in His Word if that were the case. He loves your children more than you do.

So the answer to the question, “should I spank my child” is found in Scripture. Don’t take my word for it. Here are some more verses that speak to the issue of discipline. Find out for yourself:

Proverbs 23:13-14; Proverbs 22:15; Proverbs 29:15; Ephesians 6:4; Hebrews 12:11; Hebrews 12:9-11

Now I feel I need to put in a disclaimer. If you think this post gives anyone permission to abuse their children in the name of discipline, or to beat their children with a 2X4 you are reading too much into it, and I think you know that. A swat on the bottom of a three year old isn’t abuse. Smacking the hand of a child who strikes out at you doesn’t lead to raising a violent child. Showing anger at disobedience, raising your voice, taking away toys, or sending a child to bed early is not unloving. In fact, Scripture tells us it’s part of loving your child, and wanting the best for them.

Don’t take my word for it. Read your Bible and ask God what He wants you to know about raising your child to know and love Him, and to live a life that honors Him. That is your goal for your child, isn’t it?

(2 Chronicles 25-28) Sacrificing Children

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Sometimes when faced with their sin, instead of repenting, people dig in their heels. That was the case with King Ahaz of Judah. He was told by the prophet Obed that he was guilty of many sins.

“Listen to me and return the captives you took from your brothers for the Lord’s burning anger is on you.” (28:11)

I would think the words, “burning anger” would have been enough for the king to repent. But instead, to arm himself against an angry God, Ahaz plundered the Lord’s temple and gave the treasures to the king of Assyria to buy their protection. Verse 22 tells us:

“At the time of his distress, King Ahaz himself became more unfaithful to the Lord.”

Scripture tells us he went as far as sacrificing his own children by throwing them into fire on altars of pretend gods. If you aren’t appalled by that I suggest you check your heartbeat.

But are we any different today? People still dig in their heels when confronted with sin. And sadly, they are still sacrificing their children.

“You say homosexuality is a sin? I’ll teach my children to love and accept everyone.”

You say abortion is murder? I’ll teach my children, ‘My body. My choice.'”

“You say marriage is between a man and woman? I’ll teach my children they can’t help who they love.”

“You say it’s a sin to worship other gods? I’ll teach my children they are their own god, powerful, capable, strong, worthy, and that their truth is truth.”

This is going to sound cruel, but King Ahaz threw his children into a fire that eventually killed them. The searing pain those precious babies felt while they died stopped hurting when they took that last breath. What people are doing today is throwing their children into an eternal fire, apart from God, and a searing pain that will never stop. An eternal fire without hope of it ever ending.

If you aren’t appalled by that, check your heartbeat.

Call it what you want: wokeness, progressiveness, love…

What it is is sacrificing children to the god of this world.

(I Chronicles 22) Provide the Tools

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God had told David he would not be the one to build the temple, but that his son Solomon would carry on the work instead. It had been David’s great desire to build a fitting home for God, whom he loved, and it must have been a disappointment when God closed that door.

David’s reaction – his prayer – following the devastating news is a lesson we all could learn when faced with our own disappointments. But something else spoke to me today as I read God’s Word.

Maybe it’s because I just spent a week with my niece and her sweet family that I was prompted to consider what David did for Solomon in this situation. David, as he looked at that closed door and realized he would not see that temple built, as he came to grips with the fact his son would be charged with carrying on the mission, got busy making sure Solomon would have everything he needed for the task.

David didn’t decide to let Solomon figure things out for himself. He carefully – and at great cost – provided Solomon with the tools he’d need in the future.

Spiritually speaking, parents, that’s what you need to be doing, too. Are you carefully providing everything your children will need for carrying on the cause of Christ after you are gone? Are you reading the Bible and talking to them about it? Are you worshiping with them in a Bible-believing church fellowship? Do they see you praying, and witnessing, and living a life that speaks to them about Jesus?

Or are you going to assign them the task of figuring things out for themselves? If you think they can be the temple without you providing the tools, you are taking a chance with their eternal souls. Are you prepared to take that chance?

Provide the tools.

(I Chronicles 16) Be A Blessing

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What happens when you walk in your house after a long day at work? Or what is the atmosphere in your home after you return from a Sunday morning in church?

David had a busy few days being King of Israel. It must have been exhausting, as well as exciting and rewarding. But this is what Scripture tells us happened when the party was over:

Then all the people went home, and David returned home to bless his household. (16:43)

It doesn’t sound like David walked in the door to his home complaining about everything that had gone wrong that day. It doesn’t sound like he took out his frustration on his wife or kids. It doesn’t sound like he came into the house and demanded alone time to decompress. He went home to bless, to be a blessing to those dear ones under his roof.

So, is that your goal too, when you return home? Is your first desire to kiss your spouse, to hold your children, to laugh with them, to mend instead of inflict wounds? Does your family consider themselves blessed when you enter a room?

Or not?

Sometimes our mere presence causes anxiety, fear, anger, or disappointment in those closest to us. Is that what we really want? I doubt that is anyone’s goal. But is it the reality in your home?

I pray that all of us will make careful choices to create an atmosphere of love and security and joy in our homes. Like David, when we walk through the door, let’s be a blessing.

(2 Kings 12) Integrity

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Now here’s something you don’t see every day. Any day, really.

Let me set the scene:

Scripture tells us there were repairs going on in the temple. The contractors and workers were paid with silver that came into the temple by way of the offerings from worshipers. The high priest and his secretary weighed, then bagged the offering silver.

“Then they would give the weighed silver to those doing the work – those who oversaw the Lord’s temple. They in turn would pay it out to those working on the Lord’s temple – the carpenters, the builders, the masons, and the stonecutters – and would use it to buy timber and quarried stone to repair the damage to the Lord’s temple and for all expenses for temple repairs.” (12:11-13)

It sounds like it would have been an accounting nightmare, especially without spreadsheets and Microsoft Office on their computers.

But listen to this. This is what struck me today:

“No accounting was required from the men who received the silver to pay those doing the work, since they worked with integrity.” (vs 15, emphasis mine)

Have you ever had any remodeling done in your home? How did it go? You hire a contractor who hires workers to do the actual remodel, plumbers, painters, carpenters, tile workers. Or maybe the contractor actually does the work himself. Were you happy with the finished project? Was the job completed on time and within budget? Was the work done to your satisfaction? I bet some of you have horror stories.

Like my sister who, after she and her husband shelled out almost $30,000.00 for a remodeled bath and laundry room, continue to discover problems:

a toilet set too close to the wall

faulty (and dangerous) wiring

shower floor not caulked

closets without doors because they were mis-measured

a sump pump clogged with mortar dust because the worker emptied his bucket in the sump pump with water containing the dust from sanding the new drywall

Oh, there’s more. But you get the idea. My poor brother-in-law is outside digging a hole in their front yard, hoping to replace or reroute the pipe from the clogged sump pump before it rains today and ruins their new carpeting.

Integrity? I’m not seeing it here exactly. But here’s my point:

are any of us doing our jobs with integrity?

I play the organ at church. If I tell myself that if I hit a wrong note here and there no one will notice, am I playing with integrity?

If I teach a Sunday School and think, they’re just children so if I am not as prepared this week it’s no big deal, am I teaching with integrity?

Are you parenting with integrity? Are you working at your marriage with integrity? Representing Jesus with integrity? Driving your car, paying your taxes, being a neighbor, caring for your parents, serving on a committee at church, whatever… Are you working with integrity?

Do you need someone standing over you to make sure you are doing the job well and honestly? Or can they throw away the spreadsheets, like they did here in 2 Kings, because you do your work with integrity?

May each of us, no matter how big or small the task God gives us to do, be men and women with integrity. Then may we do the job as unto the Lord.

Integrity might be something we don’t see every day. But it should definitely be seen in you and me who know Jesus as our Savior.

Every day.