Genesis 41:46-57

Joseph was a victim. If anyone had reason to pity himself it was Joseph. He had been hurt by his brothers, lied about, treated unfairly These are facts, not just his perception. Joseph was a victim of difficult circumstances.

Yet, we don’t see him expressing a victim mentality. I don’t think he would identify himself as a victim because of what we read in these verses. Joseph went about serving God no matter what the circumstances. He was kind, respectful, hard working, and humble as he did the work God placed in front of him. He didn’t have time for a pity party.

Does it seem everyone is a “victim” these days? There are well-meaning therapists that tell us that is ok. Instead of giving the “victim” the tools to change, they tell him or her how to get everyone else to change toward them. What is passed off as empathy is actually toxic empathy because it just makes the problem worse than it needs to be.

The fact is, we live in a fallen world. Bad things happen. Imperfect people do and say imperfect things. You can’t control them no matter how many fits you throw. You can only control how you receive their imperfections.

A Christian does or says something hurtful so the conclusion is all Christians are bad, and the answer is to leave the church.

People destroy cars because someone’s political view is offensive to them.

You can be taken to court if you hurt their feeling by “misgendering” them or not using their preferred pronouns.

Scroll through social media and see the tantrums people throw while sitting in their car with the cellphone pointed at their faces. It’s ridiculous.

These are extreme examples of a victim mentality, but that mentality is seen in our every day walk of life, too. Someone is always moaning about something. I bet you can name a few in your circle of friends who are living a victim mentality.

Like I said, we live in a fallen world among imperfect people. If you rub shoulders with others, you will be offended, get your feelings hurt, disagree, and/or be angry with someone along the way. You can’t avoid it. In fact, I think you should expect it and prepare for it.

But the Bible lays out instructions for how to handle the offense. First, go to that person privately and try to work it out. Now listen, you don’t go to them and demand they apologize. You go to them to tell them what you see as the problem AND TO LISTEN to what they are seeing and feeling. Your problem might end right there with either they taking responsibility and apologizing, or you realizing you are the problem and apologizing to them. Maybe you’ll find out there really is no problem at all. Wouldn’t that be great?

But not all conflicts are solved that easily. So the Bible says the next step is to go back to the person and bring a friend. Again, the purpose is to tell and listen, to attempt to come to a compromise and reconcile. Your friend is there to keep you both focused and accountable for your words.

If that doesn’t work, involve the church. Ask mature Christians in leadership who can mediate your conflict using Scripture.

At any point in the process you and the person you are having issues with might humble yourselves and resolve the conflict. But if that’s not possible because you or the other person refuse to budge, separation is called for.

It’s a process that takes work, intentionality, humility, and a willingness to listen and to be accountable for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. And it takes a willingness to compromise. Sadly, most of us are too stubborn or too lazy to make it happen.

We’d rather play the victim card and believe life is unfair, people are cruel, and I deserve better. So we make everyone pay.

We ought to learn from Joseph how to handle injustices inflicted upon us. We can either focus on the hurt, or focus on the Lord. We can let the hurt paralyze us, or we can get busy being obedient, not letting resentment take hold.

We can stay a victim. Or not. We are going to find out, in the next few chapters in Genesis, that Joseph did not stay a victim. And the outcome will be a touching reconciliation between him and the very ones who once victimized him.

It’s an outcome I pray for all of us who have been hurt.